I’ve not written for a while, I’ve been kind of busy and also torn as to whether to post this or not, but here goes. This is a bit of a long one (again) so buckle up and please try not to judge me… Met isn’t quite the right word, this is someone I know. There’s this guy, he’s from my gym and he’s my friend. I’ve known him about 2 years now, but hadn’t ever really seen him in that way if you know what I mean. We’d been getting closer and closer, more messages, more snapchats, meeting up on nights out etc (all above board of course!) just generally a bit closer. Even still, I only saw him as my friend. He was in a relationship, granted it wasn’t a really long term one and it certainly wasn’t a positive happy one. I won’t say too much because that part of this isn’t really my story to tell. We’d spoken about it at length and I hated that he was so unhappy with her and that the promises to change never came to fruition. I really don’t like to see my friends unhappy, I also don’t really think I’d realised at this point that I liked him. We had our Christmas night out and he joined us all later and when he did and I saw him my stomach kind of did that flippy thing and my thoughts were “oh sh1t, this is new, I think I quite fancy Him. How inappropriate, he has a girlfriend and that’s that. Push those these thoughts from your mind missy it ain’t happening” That night we had a jokey conversation about becoming each other’s “backups” he was having a really bad time with the gf and I’ve been single for far too long now. Basically we gave it two years until he would be 36 and me 34, then we were getting married, buying a dog and a house and having some kids, the whole package. It was a well thought out plan!! Even then though I kind of put it down to me being a little bit drunk and well it had been a while so I tried to put the whole idea out of my mind. That was it, Christmas and New Year came and went. I saw him regularly at the gym and things kind of went back to normal, we joked about our pact and he continued to have trouble with the gf. I kind of got the feeling that he liked me too, but it’s hard to know for sure isn’t it, plus for as long as he was with her it didn’t matter one bit if he liked me or not. My friend who knows us both would say to me that she thought he had a crush on me and I’d just brush it off – she did not need to know!! I mean is there anything sadder than liking someone and them being in a relationship with someone else?? Then … Valentines night I was out with a friend (you might remember my plan to go watch the rugby and talk to actual men rather than talk to them online) and so was he – his “gf” wanted to go out with her mates not him. We met up; he bought me rum – double rum actually. I really really like rum. He looked hot, seriously hot (suit jacket, waistcoat, nice shirt and jeans, well-trimmed beard, smelled delicious…need I go on) and I found myself again wishing she’d do one. We were only really meant to have one drink together; we stayed as a group with another friend joining us later. Things get a little hazy in parts now (blame the double rums)…As the night went on we talked more and more and at one point I realised we were holding hands. At the very end of the night we had one of those eyes locked movie kiss moments. It was awesome, but also wrong. I’ve never been in “other woman” territory before and I didn’t like it. Well I did, I liked the kissing a lot. I didn’t like that there was a niggle in the back of my mind that I was in the wrong (which I was). I’m most likely already going to hell though so maybe I’ll just sit a little closer to Satan himself now, ho hum. Anyway, after an evening filled with double rums and temptation my moral compass strayed somewhat further and he came back to mine. No need to go into too much detail here, but erm yeah, it was more than good. Although at one point I found myself completely distracted from the actual act itself and was just watching his rippling muscles above me (I kid you not my friend, that good). The weird thing was how comfortable it all felt, no weird awkwardness no uncomfortable silences. I drove him home the next day and just said that I couldn’t and wouldn’t be the other woman. He said he knew that and I didn’t need to say. I felt that I did, kind of a cards on the table without actually putting them there moment. Anyway a few days later she was gone. He ended it. (La la la *does a little dance*). We decided to keep things on the DL for a while. No need to rub it in her face (plus I think she’d actually have my eyeballs out, deffo harder than me!) and also no need for people to know until we’d figured it out for ourselves. We had a date in mine that Friday night– I cooked dinner and we planned to watch a film. The dinner bit happened, the film, not so much. We were too interested in each other to watch anything on TV. I wasn’t nervous before until he text to say he was on his way & he felt nervous! That did set me off a bit, almost panicked, but I held it together, just. We have a fancy date on Saturday – rum tasting and then dinner. Rum is what got us here in the first place. We’re at that “can’t get enough of each other stage” I like it, it’s good. Here’s hoping it carries on. I probably won’t write again. He reads this, there’s nothing here I haven’t said to him, but still. It feels kind of private now. Bye then, ‘not-so-S1ngleinLiverpool’ x
Not ideal, but I have come to realise that I have checked out the profile of pretty much every guy on POF who was within a 60 mile radius. I made this realisation after I got straight back on my POF pony after my last dating flop….*scroll, search, scroll, search…no new faces. Hmm, new user search (yep it’s a thing probably only used by serious desperados such as myself)…still no new faces.*
OK enough, POF was deleted off my phone. I’ve kept my profile and it’s still live (it was a right pain to write so I’m keeping it in case I decide to go again), but it has been very refreshing not to have it there to look at all the time. I’m not sure what I thought was going to have changed in the couple of hours since I last looked, but I found myself on there constantly and I don’t know what I was expecting? Prince charming (hmm), knight in shining armour (maybe) dashingly handsome successful and happy guy who only has eyes for me? (yes please), who am I kidding, on my last look a guy’s headline was “I want sex” hardly the fairy-tale is it!? (and don’t we all mate)
I’m still on Tinder, but I’m not after a hook up and that seems to be the norm on there, so it looks like I may have to resort to the old fashioned way and actually go try talk to real life human men in a bar or something. (Eeeeekkk, panic)
I have a plan anyway – Rugby. The Six Nations is on at the moment and England are playing Saturday afternoon, my mate has suggested we go to watch in a bar. The bar will be full of men, do you see where I’m going with this!? OK, I’m not the biggest rugby fan, but I much prefer it to football and usually have a fair idea of what’s going on so a topical conversation with a guy might not be totally out of the question here. Wish me luck!!
I sent a message earlier today, just a quick “hey, how’s it going”nothing elaborate or particularly insightful. (To be fair there wasn’t much to go off on his profile, he just looked nice and what was there was short to the point and well written)
A couple of minutes later he replied, obviously I was pleased to see the notification, however this one was different. “good but you are not my type sorry”.
Ouch, that hurt a little more than I thought it would! I don’t mean for this to come across as big headed, but this is the first message like this I’ve had since joining POF a good few months ago. Don’t misunderstand me, there has been rejection-o-plenty in the form of no replies or you’re too far aways, but this was the first message that expressly spelled it out and it was a bit of a kick in the tits I’ll be honest! I know not every one is every one else’s cup of tea, but still.
This got me thinking, I’ve always thought it better to say when you’re not interested. I can’t with my hand on my heart say I’ve done it with every message I’ve received on POF (I’d need a PA, due to me being so totally fabulous and receiving so many – tongue firmly in cheek) but it has got me thinking about it in general. I’ve always been first to call someone out for not replying or not being honest etc, but this didn’t feel that great. I’m over it now, I’ll soldier on and all that, it just made me think, what is the right thing to do here?
Friday’s date wasn’t all that, as dates go it was inoffensive (and believe me I’ve had some crackers) it’s more that it was just a bit “meh”. His pictures were better than he was in real life and he was very quiet and I think a bit daft, not stupid, just a bit, well slow and we didn’t really have much to talk about. We were both driving so after dinner I didn’t stop long and we paid up and left. I was home by 10pm and I think in bed by 10.15.
Obviously this was quite the departure from my crazy plans of falling in love instantly and him moving in bringing his dog and us being married. I definitely need to rein that sort of thinking in, it only leads to disappointment. I still can’t help the fanciful notion that one of these days that will be what happens, maybe minus the dog and the marriage – one step at a time and all that.
Anyway, I wasted no time in having a peruse of POF’s latest users and spotted a guy who looked quite nice, profile said he “wants a relationship” it was witty and concise so figured I’d say hello. Also, one of his interests he had listed as “women” which had kind of made me laugh…maybe I should see these thing as a warning sign (he’s disappeared off POF now and the convo has gone too so this isn’t verbatim)
Me: “hey, how’s it going, I see you’ve listed women as one of your interests, that’s good to know”
Him: “I like how women taste. I’m Luke xxx”
Me: “I don’t even know how to respond to that”
Him: “Maybe come meet me xxx”
Me: “Maybe no. I’m not interested in meeting a stranger on the internet for sex, good luck with that though.”
Did I open myself up to that? If I did it was unintentional! Also, am I old fashioned, is this what people do? I mean do they actually send 4 messages then one goes to the others house for sex!? I have so many issues with this, besides the obvious personal safety ones etc, what if you get there and just don’t fancy the person, I’m not sure the British stiff upper lip, keep calm and carry on and all that is appropriate here, are you meant to just crack on!? I can’t get my head a round this at all.
Looks like I’m back to square one and rapidly losing interest in the idea of online dating, it is so time consuming and although I bought into the idea a few months back I’m pretty bored of it now. I have the same conversations over and over again and I’m bored of hearing my own voice. So I’m off out on Friday with my friends for a few drinks and I can’t wait to use my spare time to have a good night out with my close girls, no dates and no pressure to have my head on swivels looking for someone, just quality girl time. Bring. It. On.
I think I mentioned in my last post that I have a date, well it’s all confirmed now and we’re going out on Friday! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
Why the prospect of a first date sends me into melt down I really do not know, but it really does bring out the er, “best” in me. There is all the usual, what should I wear, heels or no heels, how dressy should I go, will I fancy him in real life, will he fancy me type of questions, but then there’s the slightly darker stuff, the stuff that is possibly a little bit unhinged or would be if I spoke it out loud in company…
I mean in my mind, my outfit was perfect, we had an instant connection, he was HOT and now me and this poor unsuspecting guy are practically married, he’s moved into my house, brought his dog, but we’re looking at a new house as the dog is big and I only have a yard not a garden.
Woah, woah, woah, hold your horses, at what point did I decide it was OK to put this much pressure on a first date?? Do other people do this too? I can’t be alone in my crazy can I!?
I’m sure I’m supposed to be breezy and relaxed about it all and for the most part I am and will hopefully come across as such on Friday, but I guess I daydream about the bigger picture and get carried away. I’m not sure I can stop it, but I can definitely keep a lid on my musings so I don’t scare him off! Hopefully.
A couple of days ago a guy casually threw the term “player” at me. I’m still surprised, but it did get me thinking. I’d always thought of a Player as a guy dating multiple girls at once. What does this translate to in terms of online dating?
Is it OK to be messaging multiple guys at the same time? Quite often I have 3 or 4 conversations on the go (not all the time, but it does happen) does this make me an online player? Is this even a thing?
I’ve thought of this as kind of hedging my bets. Often, the conversations will drop off long before there’s any suggestion of a date or once it’s suggested they disappear (I’m not after a pen-pal) so if I only talk to one guy at a time am I significantly limiting my dating chances or am I not giving each guy my undivided attention? I’m pretty sure these guys are messaging more than one girl at a time – often by the scatter gun effect to start up conversations, so why shouldn’t I?
It can get confusing though, sending all these messages – what have I said to him? Did I already tell him that? It’s all the truth, it’s just hard to keep track of, especially because “getting to know each other” convos are often very similar…maybe I need a PA…
As I type this I don’t actually think it is a bad thing to have a few conversations on the go at once, it’s just the way it is. If I went on a date with someone and made it past the elusive second date to a third or even forth I’d stop the other chats for sure, messaging is one thing, but dating and messaging is something else. Anyway…
I joined Tinder a few days ago – I fancied a change, plus when I was on it last year it was good fun until I swiped through the entire tinder population of Liverpool and the 75km circumference around the city that’s I’d set, then it got boring.
I had a mutual match with this guy. We sent a couple of messages and slowly the penny dropped that I’d already been having a rather nice chat with this guy on POF, but it had fizzled out when I’d been in a negative head-space about POF and I’d not replied to one of his messages, then I felt it had been too long to just reply out of the blue so figured that ship had sailed and I chalked it up to experience.
I had to fess up to him that I’d only just realised who he was and also apologise for ignoring him, luckily he saw the funny side and in my defence he had all different pictures on Tinder to POF and it’s not like I was comparing them side by side…
This is not the first time I’ve done something like this – see my previous post “My turn to do something embarrassing”
Anyway, it’s not all bad, we’re going to go out, but not for about 2 weeks. He’s on a course Monday to Friday down South for the next 3 weeks and I’m away this weekend and next so our paths won’t cross for a while. Still something to look forward to, maybe my clanger will turn out not be such a bad thing after all. Shall I hold my breath? Probably not, but I’m quietly optimistic.
I was left amused, offended and wondering whether I ought to be flattered yesterday. I’d spotted this guy, pretty good looking, Swedish born, grew up in France and not long moved to Liverpool, profile said he was looking for a relationship, so I sent a quick hello:
Me: Hi, how you finding Liverpool?
Him: Good x you (Hmmm Mr Chatty)
Me: Love it here, have lived in Newcastle & London too, but Liverpool is home. Have you been up to much today?
Him: Hun x you seem like a bit of a player x sorry
Whhhhhaaaaaaatttt!!??!!?? I was shocked, I couldn’t be further from a player and couldn’t figure out where he’d got that from. I quickly re-read my profile and the messages we’d sent to see if I’d written something that had been misinterpreted. Nope. So I decided to ask what he meant.
Me: Wow, I couldn’t be further from a player. I’m actually on here hoping to meet someone to start a relationship. Why do you say that?
Him: Me too x got skype (Mr Chatty strikes again, bit boring now but I’m still curiously offended enough to push my point)
Me: OK but can I ask again, why did you say I’m a player – I’m kind of offended!? No, sorry, I don’t have skype, I have whatsapp if you want to chat on there?
Him: get skype x x pls
So he didn’t answer the question and he also used ‘x’ as punctuation which is just plain wrong. I didn’t reply. I have never been called a player in my life, or ever even thought I was one or even could be one. I’m still a bit baffled to be honest.